Tuesday, July 13, 2010

You're outta here!

Dear Reader,

A third one of these in a week?! Holy shit, it looks like I finally got ambitious. Don't get all excited yet, odds are this won't last long. Unfortunately for you a special someone died today. That's right George Steinbrenner ate the big eat today. If this is the first you've heard about this, then you really need to get your news from anywhere else.

That's right the owner of the Yankees is gone! Maybe now the Yankees will fall apart as well. Maybe Georgie can Chris Henry the Yankees, and they will lose tragically for the rest of the season! That is a world I want to live in. Then maybe this country can just give up its sad love affair with baseball. Then we can get a real sport in here, like curling. As you are well aware, I hate baseball. The Yankees are the worst part about this social abortion known as baseball.

I am also happy that an ancillary character, based on a real person, from Seinfeld is gone. You're next soup Nazi! Speaking of terrible things, Seinfeld was an awful show. I know everyone loves it, but it is one of the worst shows ever made. I know, I know, I should give it a chance. Well I have, I've had the displeasure of watching most of the series. It used to be on between Simpsons re-runs and I was too lazy to change the channel. The show isn't about nothing. It's abut four of the most unlikeable characters and their unlikable lives. When I see that show, I just want everyone to fail and/or die. An Odd Couple remake with Osama bin Laden and Adolf Hitler would have more sympathetic characters!

Steinny was a liar. Here is what he said after purchasing the Yankees in 1973, "We plan absentee ownership as far as running the Yankees is concerned." Really? You sure there? He was one of the most hands on owners ever. Like a more successful Al Davis (more on Al later!). Also he made all of the players to be clean-shaven and short hair. That is just a douche move. Let them grow beards and long hair. They play a game for a living, they aren't saving lives or doing anything important.

Well now that Steinbrenner is gone, maybe some other owners will follow his lead. Here is a short list of which owners should end it now.

1. Dan Gilbert (owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers) - He will probably just commit suicide, he has had a bad summer. He lost LeBron, and he's in Cleveland. He has nothing to live for. He just made the Browns, the best sports team in Cleveland.

2. Jerry Jones (owner of the Dallas Cowboys) - Just shut the fuck up Jerry. Stop trying to destroy football. He doesn't need the biggest stadium ever built. The salary cap and profit sharing are great things for the sport. Everyone hates the Yankees, and he is like a little 'brenner. Also why the shit what he on Entourage on Sunday? That was awful, just get drunk and bad mouth Bill Parcells again. Then die.

3. Al Davis (owner of the Oakland Raiders (told you I would get to him later (later is now by the way))) - Al Davis has done everything in his power to destroy the Raiders. It is really impressive, if you think about it. Just stop being an owner, gm, and play caller for your team. Also how could we forget the JaMarcus Russell experiment. To help explain the experiment. Imagine Al Davis is making the atomic bomb, and the Raiders are Hiroshima. Have you seen Mr. Davis recently? There are burn victims who are better looking! He is like a bizarre Dorian Gray painting. Whatever he does, to the Raiders, is represented on his face. I think if he looks into a mirror, if he has one, his reflection should do the trick in ending his tyranny.

At least one Yankee is gone,

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