Monday, April 5, 2010

Baseball can hardly even be considered a sport

Dear Reader,

Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that baseball season is once again in full effect. I can't think of a bigger waste of time than baseball. Basically you are watching a bunch of douche-bags stand around, while two people play catch via an intermediary. Sometimes someone runs.

Another problem with baseball is that the season is 162 games long. Let me write that down with words so it looks longer. The season is one hundred sixty two games long. Hot damn! That is unnecessary! Is there really a need for that many games to prove how good the teams are? No. Football does this in 16 games. Football is obviously ten times as efficient as baseball. I did some research and I found that the fewest games won by a team, in one season, was 20 by the Cleveland Spiders in 1899 (how awesome is it that even back then Cleveland sucked? Pretty awesome). Also the fewest games lost by a team, in one season was 36 by the Chicago Cubs in 1906. Why am I mentioning these two stats? They indicate that the baseball season should be 56 games shorter. Every team is expected to have at least 20 wins and 36 losses, so they don't even need to play those games.

Did you see that? I just made baseball more productive.

When I am in a position where I am watching baseball, (I try to avoid this as much as possible. (People who know me also try to avoid me watching baseball with them as much as possible as well.)) I almost always root for the home team to be up by the start of the bottom of the 9th inning. This way the game is a half inning shorter. If for whatever terrible reason the home team can't accomplish this, i will then root for the away team, since the home team let me down. The two special cases where this is not the case are Red Sox and Yankees games. I will always root against both of those teams (mainly because they have, hands down, the most obnoxious fan bases). If the Red Sox are playing the Yankees, then I will root against the Yankees. The Yankees are easily my least favorite aspect of my least favorite activity.

What kind of sissy men are baseball players if they can't play in the rain? Its rain! You want to play outside, deal with the weather. Grow a pair.

I would write more on this subject, but it's just going to make me upset. Fuck baseball. I hope everyone associated with the game gets a new strain of syphilis that can only be cured by getting vertically sawed in half.

The only good thing about baseball is the movie A League of Their Own. By the way Dottie DID NOT drop the ball on purpose. I will go more into that in a later entry. I must devote my full attention to the subject.

Can't wait for a real sport to start,

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