Friday, July 8, 2011

Casey Anthony vs. OJ Simpson

Dear Reader,

As I'm sure you heard, there's a new OJ in town. As you know, I am a HUGE The Juice fan. And Casey Anthony is no Mr. Simpson. You are aware of Casey Anthony right (if not, then congratulations on just being born? I am honored that you have chosen my site to visit at such a young age. (Where are your parents? Shouldn't they be watching you? (They are just like Casey Anthony. (Oh right, you don't know who she is. Read on.))))? Good, then I don't need to go into great detail.

But Scott, they are the same, OJ & CA, they got away with murder! First of all, don't yell at me. Second of all, let me explain:

Difference 1: Evidence. There was so much more evidence against my boy. Only through his cunning was he able to avoid the slammer. There wasn't a lot of evidence against Cassy Anthy. There was no DNA. All the prosecution had was that she probably killed her daughter. I probably did a lot of things, doesn't mean I did them. But she went out partying when her daughter was missing/dead! Again with the yelling. Just because she went on a month long bender, entered a hot body contest (did we ever find out if she won?), and got "Bella Vita" (I think it's Italian for "Beautiful Life" or "I Totes Just Killed My Daughter," I don't know. I'm bad at foreign languages) tattooed on her shoulder, right after her daughter was no longer with us, that doesn't make her a murderer. It is not normal behavior, but we all cope with loss differently. I yell obscenities to the clergy, when I'm feeling down ("Hey fuck you Archbishop Glenn!"). In cases like this you need to prove guilt, not innocence. The prosecution did a much better job against Orenthal.

Difference 2: She's a chick. Duh OJ was totally a dude.

Difference 3: Difficulty. OJ "didn't" kill two adult people. That is hard work, even if you are an amazing athlete and actor. Case Dogg "didn't" kill a small child. That is super easy. Children today are really easy to kill (they don't even have good knife technique).

Difference 4: The future. OJ's future is fucked. He got locked up for bullshit charges in Las Vegas, when he was trying to get his own stuff back. He has to pay all the money he makes to the families of those he "didn't" kill. He wasn't even aloud to release his book about if he hypothetically killed Nicole and Ron. Casey's future is much different (and a lot brighter). She has already been offered a porn contract (say what you will about her actions, she is still attractive), she will get book deals (I hope a parenting book!), and who knows what else. And guys, she's single. I'm sure a bunch of guys will want to tap that. She's crazy, loves to party, and if you knock her up, you know she will take care of the kid. Not OJ, poor poor OJ, he is stuck in jail until 2017 (the earliest!). He'll be 70 then.

Difference 5: A different future. OJ is "not" killing anyone again anytime soon. Casey, however, has time. She could have another kid. That kid could disappear. Maybe then, she will get the justice, that everyone longs for.

So, you see, Cassy Tony is nothing like Detective Nordberg. She may be able to play for the BIlls (they need help), but that would be the extent of their similarities. I guess, now that the trial is over, America has to focus on ourselves. We hate doing that.

On a sad note, the last NASA space shuttle launched today. It is sad that NASA won't be sending heroes into space anymore. Going to space is never routine.

Yes, I care more about going to space than Caylee Anthony,

1 comment:

  1. The Bills would never take Casey Anthony!!!!