Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A late Thanksgiving hodgepodge of fun!

Dear Reader,

As you are well aware. Thanksgiving recently happened. As is our culture, it is now Christmas season! Shit yea! As I have pointed out, our country has a rich history of failed terrorist attacks, during the holiday season. This year is no different! On November 26th, the redundantly named, Muhamed Osman Muhamud tried to blow up a tree lighting ceremony in Portland, Oregon. I know what you are thinking, "Who cares about Portland, Oregon?" Well that is exactly why MOM wanted to explode the tree. He thought he was a genius, because no one would suspect someone to attack Oregon (mostly because no one cares about Oregon).

This all started in August of 2009, when Double Muhamed was in contact (via electronic styled mail) with terrorists. Eventually Dub Muha and his pen pal decided it was time to go all the way live, and perform a violent jihad (is there any other kind? (well, I guess there are (but who wants one of those? (not me, that's for damn sure)))). In June 2010, Muhamud Squared met in person with his online buddy, and there he revealed his scheme. As I mentioned it was the tree lighting ceremony. His friend gave him, the bomb needed and a phone number. The phone number was, for Ozzie to call when the bomb was set; when he calls, the place goes boom! There was only one snag to his ingenious plan. His friend was an FBI operative who was on to him the whole time. Naturally when he called, he was arrested. So really this isn't as fun as last year's terrorist attack (if only he set his wang on fire).

On to Sunday! I am a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, so I was watching their game against the Buffalo Bills. To make a long game short, they were in overtime. Ryan Fitzpatrick threw an easily catchable touchdown to Stevie Johnson, who caught the ball. The Bills won the game! Finally the people of Buffalo had something to be happy about! Oh wait, no, none of that happened. Steve-O dropped the ball (like a chump), and they lost. This isn't a big deal, the Bills lose all the time. Shortly after the game ended Mr. Johnson posted this on Twitter: "I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO..."

That's right lady and gentleman, he blamed god for his fuck up! That is awesome! It is about time. Every time some athletic jack ass wins a game, or some douche bag gets an award, they thank god. It is like god is some kind of gambling addict who needs these assholes to win so he can pay rent. It is refreshing to see one of these schmucks go the other way with it, and blame him for losses. Let's pretend god exists, why would he/she/it care about these things? Who wants to worship some asshole who cares so much about a stupid regular season game. Also, Steve, you should have known that god hates you, you play in Buffalo.

Now all we need is for someone to win it big and praise Satan.

Hail Satan!

1 comment:

  1. two posts in ten days! the greatest blog ever is BACK!