Thursday, September 30, 2010

Cereal and Segway

Dear Reader,

Sorry for the delay, I was trying to be charitable, but failed horribly. You see, I bought myself a box of OchocincOs and that's how it went down. Wide receiving sweetheart of the Cincinnati Bengals, Chad Ochocinco, has got himself his own cereal. PLB Sports put out the cereal. They are the company who put out Flutie Flakes and Big Ben Beef Jerky. Big Ben isn't a joke, but incredibly true! He would have his own line of beef jerky products. With every bag Benny Double Bacon, forcibly shoves beef jerky down your throat until you pass out. Back to the cereal. With every box bought, three American dollars gets donate to the Feed the Children charity. If you feel so inclined, you can also call the Feed the Children charity to donate more. Instead of getting the charity, when you call the number printed on the box, you get a phone sex line. So instead of helping needy children, you get the opportunity to let loose some knuckle children tot he voice of an anonymous female. So really, it's a toss up for which is better.

On to some more news!

I'm sure you've been to your local mall, and seen the mall security officers riding their Segway around (to scoot about and protect). These bad boys move and a blindingly fast twelve miles per hour. They move by you leaning forward. How do you go faster? Lean harder! With such amazing controls as that, its no wonder that they have been considered unsafe. Wearing a helmet is strongly suggested. Its like a lame motorcycle, maybe you could form some shitty gang of Segway owners. In 2009 a British guy named James Heselden bought the Segway company. Now I can segue into this (Get it? Segue! Segway! OK I'll stop this now.) James Heselden is dead.

Jimmy drove his Segway off a cliff.

I couldn't think of anything to follow the last line,


  1. Finally, another post!!! need more random side notes on this one, but another job well done. always a great day when there is a new post

  2. Ha ha ha. RIP, Silly!