Thursday, August 19, 2010

An Infrequent Update

Dear Reader,

Sorry I have been gone for just about a month. I probably should have posted something on here. I mean a lot has been going on:

Lebron James is taking names of all who have talk trash about him. Since I like being part of lists: Lebron James is a bitch, who is think way to highly of himself. Lebro-game, I hope South Beach enjoys your talents and you get hep c. Cleveland is so distraught over his leaving they have turned to gambling. That's right Cleveland will be your new casino destination. It'll be nice for the whole city to get together and bet against the Heat in the sports book. Then bookies can have the responsibility of breaking the knee caps of an entire city. Which would be a great job opportunity for those with knee breaking skills. Bring your talents to the mistake by the lake.

The CEO of HP resigned because he was taking Jodie Fisher out on dates on the company dime. That's right Jodie Fisher! The same woman who played Night Nurse #1 in Little Big League!

Brett Favre has unretired again. Grandpa Brett basically taught L. Bron how to destroy the hopes and dreams of a city. I don't care how fucking comfortable he looks in Wrangler jeans, I want Old Man Favre to die. However, I don't want him to die now, I want him to be injured in week one. Like a bad, but not crippling injury. I want him to be healthy enough to keep playing, because he is too much of a douche to sit out a game. This way he ends his career with his worst season. In other words I want the announcers to mention how much fun he is not having out there. Then when the season is over, I want him to mauled to death by a pack of wolves.

Also Heidi Montag's plastic surgeon died. It would seem that in the game of life turning a cute girl into something created from Jim Henson's Creature Shop, is punishable by death. He was driving down the P.C.H. on August 16th, then he decided to (instead of staying on the highway) drive off a fucking cliff. Well he didn't make the conscious effort to drive off the cliff, he was distracted. By what? you ask. He was taking a picture of his dog, and tweeting the aforementioned picture. "Border collie Jill surveying the view from atop the sand dune," were his last words. I bet Jill had a much better view about a minute later. Jill was fine by the way, not wearing a seat belt launched he rout of the car to safety (there's a lesson here somewhere), unlike Frank Ryan (oh yea, i forgot to mention his name), who was trapped in his death mobile. In my world, he tweets the picture after he crashes.

Paul Hogan is not aloud to leave Australia. That's right Crocodile Dundee is still alive! The man who taught us all what is and isn't a knife, was in Sydney for his mother's funeral, and the Australian government is prohibiting his leaving the country. Well he can leave when his debt is paid. He owes taxes on $37.5 million in unclaimed income. So if you want to help him out, send him some cash, I'm sure he will be happy that people remember him. Who would have thought that Yahoo Serious was a better citizen than the Crock Man? Me! I would! Yahoo Serious is awesome! Go watch Reckless Kelly and Young Einstein.

That's a pretty decent recap for now. Maybe i will update more than once a month from now on.

I've missed you,
Scott

3 comments:

  1. i hope so, i like reading these

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  2. Anonymous clearly isn't Rory, because he hates your writing.

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  3. Scott has a stalker. I bet its Lebron James.

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