Friday, February 19, 2010

Obligatory Tiger Woods Blog Post

Dear Reader,

Remember when Tiger Woods was known for being a golfer? Those were the days. Fortunately now, he is much more interesting. You may be asking yourself "What could Tiger have done, to not get himself into this mess?" That is a great question, Reader, and I will gladly answer it.

Tiger Woods had roughly fourteen mistresses, hot damn! That's a lot of tang on the side! That was his first mistake. He let them live to tell the tale. What he should have done was to just "take care" of them, after he had his way with them. Now hear me out. One of these ladies was a VH1 Reality star reject. The world would not have missed her. Also, who would believe rumors that Tiger is a serial killer? No one! And just think how much more intimidating he would have been as an athlete! OJ would have nothing on T Dub!

So that would have solved Tiger's issues. As we know that did not happen. I am mildly disappointed in Elin (his wife for those who only know her as Tiger's wife). She should have raked in the sponsorship dollars from golf club companies after busting Tiger's windows. I don't own golf clubs, but if some angry blond brandishing one told me to buy her brand, I would.

Basically what I am trying to say, is that I figured a lot of folks would be looking up Tiger Woods on Google today, since he is giving his "big speech" (more on that later); and I wanted to capitalize on that and get at least two hits to this little website.

The speech you say? Yes as you know Tiger is giving a five minute speech today at 11 AM EST, to explain is "transgressions." If I ran his PR campaign, I would tell him to announce he is gay. Think about it. Now America loves him again. Why did he sleep with all those broads? He only did so to maintain his "man's man" image. He didn't want to society made him. Plus, now it would look like his wife is the jerk. "She went after her husband with a golf club because he's gay," people would say. Now he is a victim.

I am not saying he is gay, I'm just saying he should say that he is.

Stick with me T Dub, and you will go far.

Your welcome,
Scott

1 comment:

  1. Genius. No one thought of the gay excuse yet. If you hate on gays then you're screwed. Wonderful Scott. You should go into PR.

    ReplyDelete