Monday, March 15, 2010

Move over Tupac

Dear Reader,

I wanted to do a Michael Jackson post when he died because I love when celebrities die, especially when they have allegedly done something bad (like molest little boys). Sadly I did not have this blog to write about MJ, so I had to wait for some news. Luckily it was reported that Jackson's estate was signed to a ten album record deal fro $250 million. Hooly shit! Hooly?
So now Mr. Shakur won't be the only dead guy releasing new music every year. Is this deal even necessary? Michael has been replaced.
If we need a musician to walk around in a mask for no reason we can always look to that crazy bitch Lady Gaga. It's really cheating to say you have a great Poker Face when you wear masks all the time (have some respect for the game Ms. Gaga)
If we want someone who looks like a terrifying character in a Tim Burton stop motion animated movie we can look at Amy Winehouse. Well we can't look at her for long, because really she has to be eating it in the near future (also if you look at her for too long your eyes melt away, true story).
If we need someone to look at to show us how cosmetic surgery has gone wrong, we have Janice Dickinson. You can literally hit her i the face with a shovel and nothing would happen.
Most importantly, who the douche would buy a new MJ album? He hasn't out out a good song since 1995. Did anyone buy Invincible? I didn't hear a yes. His latest single, the appropriately titled "This Is It" was terrible.
Aside from a bed time story to scare children Michael Jackson is completely irrelevant. However he died, so now we all have to care about it again and pretend that as his face deteriorated so did his music. How cool would it have been if they hooked him up to a marionette system and reenacted the video for "Thriller" at his funeral. That would have been sweet.
My condolences,


  1. Watch your tongue about Lady Gaga. She may be batshit crazy, but she entertains my ears in ways no other woman can.