Casey Anthony vs. OJ Simpson

Dear Reader,

As I'm sure you heard, there's a new OJ in town. As you know, I am a HUGE The Juice fan. And Casey Anthony is no Mr. Simpson. You are aware of Casey Anthony right (if not, then congratulations on just being born? I am honored that you have chosen my site to visit at such a young age. (Where are your parents? Shouldn't they be watching you? (They are just like Casey Anthony. (Oh right, you don't know who she is. Read on.))))? Good, then I don't need to go into great detail.

But Scott, they are the same, OJ & CA, they got away with murder! First of all, don't yell at me. Second of all, let me explain:

Difference 1: Evidence. There was so much more evidence against my boy. Only through his cunning was he able to avoid the slammer. There wasn't a lot of evidence against Cassy Anthy. There was no DNA. All the prosecution had was that she probably killed her daughter. I probably did a lot of things, doesn't mean I did them. But she went out partying when her daughter was missing/dead! Again with the yelling. Just because she went on a month long bender, entered a hot body contest (did we ever find out if she won?), and got "Bella Vita" (I think it's Italian for "Beautiful Life" or "I Totes Just Killed My Daughter," I don't know. I'm bad at foreign languages) tattooed on her shoulder, right after her daughter was no longer with us, that doesn't make her a murderer. It is not normal behavior, but we all cope with loss differently. I yell obscenities to the clergy, when I'm feeling down ("Hey fuck you Archbishop Glenn!"). In cases like this you need to prove guilt, not innocence. The prosecution did a much better job against Orenthal.

Difference 2: She's a chick. Duh OJ was totally a dude.

Difference 3: Difficulty. OJ "didn't" kill two adult people. That is hard work, even if you are an amazing athlete and actor. Case Dogg "didn't" kill a small child. That is super easy. Children today are really easy to kill (they don't even have good knife technique).

Difference 4: The future. OJ's future is fucked. He got locked up for bullshit charges in Las Vegas, when he was trying to get his own stuff back. He has to pay all the money he makes to the families of those he "didn't" kill. He wasn't even aloud to release his book about if he hypothetically killed Nicole and Ron. Casey's future is much different (and a lot brighter). She has already been offered a porn contract (say what you will about her actions, she is still attractive), she will get book deals (I hope a parenting book!), and who knows what else. And guys, she's single. I'm sure a bunch of guys will want to tap that. She's crazy, loves to party, and if you knock her up, you know she will take care of the kid. Not OJ, poor poor OJ, he is stuck in jail until 2017 (the earliest!). He'll be 70 then.

Difference 5: A different future. OJ is "not" killing anyone again anytime soon. Casey, however, has time. She could have another kid. That kid could disappear. Maybe then, she will get the justice, that everyone longs for.

So, you see, Cassy Tony is nothing like Detective Nordberg. She may be able to play for the BIlls (they need help), but that would be the extent of their similarities. I guess, now that the trial is over, America has to focus on ourselves. We hate doing that.

On a sad note, the last NASA space shuttle launched today. It is sad that NASA won't be sending heroes into space anymore. Going to space is never routine.

Yes, I care more about going to space than Caylee Anthony,
Scott

Remember the good old days?

Dear Reader,

Today is a very special day. Sixteen years ago today O.J. Simpson went on an exciting 35 mph car chase from the L.A.P.D. What a historic event! People were glued to their video boxes just to watch and marvel at the most riveting bit of visual stimulation in history. It was so exciting that NBC didn't even air Game 5 of the NBA Finals. People would rather watch a bunch of cars going 35 mph than watch basketball. No wonder NASCAR is so popular.

So many questions were running through America's collective mind:
Did O.J. really kill Nicole and Ron?
Will O.J. commit suicide?
Do you think it was a bad idea to name my son Orenthal?
I can run faster than that; why can't the cops catch him?
Why can't they play this instead of basketball all the time?
Wasn't that solar eclipse dope on May 10th?

There is really nothing I can tell you, that you don't know about the Simpson trial and alleged murderings. Unless of course you are somehow reading this from the past. Which is just strange. How did you get the technology and scientific knowhow to read another internet blog before it was created? Also, with all of this power, why are you reading this stupid website? Anyway, while I have your attention, I warn you, do not watch Lost when it comes out in 2004 (spoiler alert: we don't all die at year 2000), it'll just make you upset when they destroy the show in the finale.

Back to Oh Jay, I may be one of the few people who was a fan. How could you hate anyone who was in the Naked Gun movies? You can't. Technically he was found innocent on the murder charges, so we can't call him a murderer. Not only that, but once he was found innocent, he never changed his story. Even when he wrote his book "If I Did It," he still claimed he did nothing. You have to respect someone who commits to the alleged lie. Sadly he was arrested and found guilty for robbery in 2007 and is serving thirty three years. A tragic end.

Which brings me to Joran Van Der Sloot. First of all Van Der Sloot sounds like an awesome Viking Metal band. Secondly, JVDS kind of looks like Bill Hader from SNL. Like The Juice, Mr. Der Sloot is suspected of murdering someone. This someone is Natalee Holloway, in Aruba, in 2005. Unlike The Big O, the small J did not learn his lesson. He murdered again. Never commit the crime you got away with again. That's just silly.

That's right reader, Joran killed a woman in Peru. He even admitted to it! At least he is becoming a more mature murderer, it's important to stand by your work. He is now trying to convince the authorities to let him go to back to Aruba to show the world where Natalee is. I guess the idea of spending the rest of his life in a Peruvian prison wasn't that appealing. Or maybe he thinks, he can use some connections and escape once he gets to Aruba. Which would be interesting, we haven't had a good manhunt since Bucky Phillips! Oh Bucky, you were the best BP.

We miss you Bucky,
Scott